Love People

The Power of No, part 5

The power to say no isn’t just needed to overcome physical cravings or wrongful desires. It is also a powerful tool when dealing with people. Disclaimer: All that follows may seem harsh. It’s a sad part of life that these things even need to be said. I am in no way advocating leaving marriages, splitting up families, or unforgiveness.

There is a tendency for us to interact with one another and to create value for each other through a series of exchanges. But interactions between us and other people need examined also. These relationships, going well beyond just partnerships between couples, extend to friendships and fellowship with all people. Some exchanges are not always beneficial in the long run. They may start out to be but over time, they can transform into something else altogether. People come into our lives. Some stay but many leave.

Exercise your power to say no to relationships that need to end. Some people may beg to stay in your life. By all rights you should have already kicked their butts out of your life, figuratively not literally. Mercy is absolutely a gift; one that needs granted. But there is a line between granting an appropriate amount of mercy and going overboard. It is not for me to determine where that line exists, so you must strive to find it. Some people in your lives are like poison, slowly eating away at you from the inside out. It’s got to stop, and you know it. When is enough, enough? Others leave when we wish they would have stayed. Friendships and romantic relationships end all the time for numerous reasons. No amount of begging and hanging on to their shoestrings will keep them in your life. In these situations, we often lose our dignity trying to keep things “the way they were”. If you have lost it, it’s time you find it again. Acknowledge that they left, and they are not coming back. It’s ok to cry your tears… for a while. But eventually, know when it’s time to move forward with your life. They didn’t see your value for whatever reason. See the amazing value you already have in yourself and know there is another person out there, waiting to receive the value you have to offer.

Say no to bad friendships. It feels like this one doesn’t really need explaining, but no matter how many times we hear it, we still befriend the wrong people anyway. It is almost like we are masochists, wincing at the pain we inflict upon ourselves by staying in these harmful relationships. People around you will either help or hinder your path of progress. If you are single, this includes getting into bad relationships. You might be an incredibly good person and think you can save everyone. But the truth is, you can’t, and others will drag you down into the mess with them if you are not careful. If they haven’t changed the last ten times you’ve asked them to, they either can’t or won’t. It’s time you see that.

As a side note, you may have to say no to requests for your time or help. Lending a helping hand is one thing, but repeatedly doing things for others who are fully capable when they should be doing for themselves, can be wrong. Whether knowingly or not, people tend to use you without regard for your wellbeing. They may innocently not even notice. That is why you must pay attention. Tensions can arise by not confronting others. It is especially harmful when a person is torn between two opposing sides, ever living the life of a balancing act – walking the narrow tightrope.

I know that you are a superstar. But with every hero comes limitations. Know your boundaries; what you can and cannot do. Choose healthy relationships when and where you can that will help each life involved to flourish. Recognize there are times when you will have to say no to people and the power, they hold over your life. If you have surrendered your power over to others, then it’s time to take it back. You got this!

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