Love Self

Waiting for a Feeling? Part 3

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on

I previously told a story about my video store dream at ten years of age. The original store was long gone by the time I got my driver’s license. However, my friend and I went to another store, where I formed a new video store dream. It was no longer about a game but something else entirely. We browsed the isles back and forth until we found a selection. Coincidentally, all the other customers in line had completed their transactions and left the store. We then made our way to the counter to check out. It also happened that there were two girls working behind the counter that were our age.

At first, talk was kind of slow as we were all nervous in getting to know one another. But my friend and I had a cure for this that was bound to work. We rented all kinds of movies in the coming months, far too many! It was not for the pleasure of watching movies but a merely reason to visit the lovely ladies that worked there. In the same way as we ate much of our summer profit at the local restaurant, we also spent a sizable portion on video rentals. It was remarkable how we could never find what we were looking for when neither of the girls were working. But when they were there, we always found something to rent.

At the rate of one at a time, it turned out to be many trips. Although it cost us, the strategy worked, and we became good friends with the girls that worked there. But here is how dense I was and always have been when it comes to my interaction with women. As far as I could tell, she seemed to enjoy talking with me. I had previously spoken with other girls who did not react the same way and I could tell right away they were not interested in that type of relationship. I knew the difference, yet because of not dealing with rejection properly, I became fearful of rejection altogether.

It took me nearly three months to finally build up the courage to ask one of the girls out, the one I had focused all my attention on. When it finally came to the date night, the only thing I remember was that there were crickets. Well, not literal crickets but if there were, there would have at least been a sound. She was a sweet girl and there was nothing wrong with her. She was, however, noticeably quiet. Being shy myself, we barely spoke to each other all night when it was the two of us.

All that build up only to find out in one date it wasn’t going to work anyway. Inside, I no longer had the magic feeling. Instead, it felt more like she could have been my sister. We decided to be friends. For months, I fought my fear on a regular basis, only to discover it was all for nothing. Sometimes what we are afraid of can disappear entirely. Not once have I regretted the times, like this one, where I pressed past my fear to ask a girl out. I have, however, regretted all the times I failed to ask someone out that I really liked. Choose not to live with regret!

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