Of many things on my list of regrets, I swear this one must be up toward the top. In my defense, it was when I was quite a bit younger, in that invincible stage of life in which I thought I was unstoppable. I know better now. In fact, when I see some of the other things people do, it makes my face shrivel up as though I bit into a lemon.
Children are notoriously known to do unthinkable acts. Little babies and toddlers will put anything in their mouth, including their bare feet after walking on an airport floor. I’ve watched in horror as parents sit by while this happens but do nothing. I don’t know whether they have given up on establishing order or if they are trying to create an impenetrable immune system in their child. Since I’ve not had children, it’s not fair for me to really judge them. I want to shout, “stop it little human, you have no idea what you are doing!”
My own epiphany came when I was trying to prove a point. Sometimes guys can be stubborn when it comes to making our point. In this case, I was explaining how people worry far too much about germs. I could see my point was not sinking in, so like an idiot I improvised to prove my point. I licked the steering wheel in my car. Not like the whole thing, maybe two to three inches. I know what you are wondering… did it taste like cherry? No, it did not! Not only did it taste like utter filth, it tasted like what I imagine would be every persons’ dirty hands that touched a gas pump after eating French fries and Doritos and licking their fingers. It makes me cringe just thinking about it.
Not long after, I developed an infection in my throat. It became difficult to breath while I was trying to sleep, so I went to the ER. I was in there for about five hours. The doctor gave me steroids and after a while, it helped me to breathe better. I was extremely exhausted after the events of that night and wanted so badly to go home and sleep. When I finally got home, it was around 7 a.m. It’s frustrating to fumble around with the keys, trying to get in the door. On this occasion, the key wasn’t opening the lock on my door. Add to that, liquid steroids coursing through my veins and that equals door violence. Although I did not turn green, in half a second, I turned into a rage monster and smashed my fist through the glass in the door. Luckily it was just my fist that was bleeding and not the arteries in my arm from retrieving it back through the broken shards of glass. I must admit, I felt like a tough guy for a moment. It lasted only a moment. The feeling quickly wore off when I drove to the store and spent the next hour replacing the glass in the door.
After two return visits to the ER in the middle of the night for similar breathing troubles and multiple rounds of different antibiotics, my life eventually returned to normal. Note to self… never do that again! So, my advice this time, is more like what not to do. Don’t lick steering wheels. Don’t punch fists through glass of any kind. I realize this is not the most helpful advice as most everyone that reads this won’t be ignorant enough, like me, to make such decisions. But hopefully it was at least entertaining to hear of my trauma in the world of germs!